Swallowing Spiders

When entering the house: check for spiders on the stairs, kill any spiders. The carpet on the stairs is actually a light brown so they sometimes blend in. you just have to look for a spot that wasn’t there before.
Before taking a shower: check behind anything that can be moved for spiders. They are clever, they know how to hide. And if there’s a wet wash rag hanging in the shower, you can just about guess that you can find one hiding behind it. 
I know these big brown spiders commonly called house spiders are essentially harmless but, they are just absolutely creepy looking and, they need to understand that the name house spider is figurative. They should just stay out of the house.
Once while laying on my couch napping(snoring) with my mouth gaping open one of these spiders crawled inside my mouth. I jumped up and spit it onto the floor, after which, I proceeded to stomp it into oblivion. Statistics show that the average human swallows one hundred spiders in a year while they sleep. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to share this information with the rest of the world, and after having experienced a waking version of this terrible phenomenon of nature, I hope that all future occurrences will be kept secret between my unconscious, the spiders, and the night.

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