Goat Stories

I once met a guy in Indiana that worked at the local IGA that told me that the Aztecs didn’t disappear From history. He said that they became buried in goat poop, why? Because goats always come home to poop. It didn’t matter how far out they wandered, they always come home to poop. I myself have noticed that their poop is always the same no matter what they eat. Little black pellets. I’ve seen them eat underwear off the clothesline and still, little black pellets. Tin cans, again, little black pellets. 

Here’s some more of my goat observations for the purpose of flavor text. I saw a goat once standing on a stake that was no more than 2 inches around. It had all four legs up there and was standing perfectly still with no teeter. I saw two goats standing on the side of a high wall once near the highway in a place where I could not see where there was somewhere to stand. 

I once ran into a question in a trivia pursuit game that asked what animal did scientist’s claim was the most suited for space travel and the answer of course was….a goat. I can only assume that this was because of how well balanced they are physically. Having been acquainted with many goats through out my life I will go ahead and state my observation that goats are not fit for space travel. Balance they may have but, they panic easy. You throw them into some 0 g atmosphere, balance would go out the window due to panic. To the best of my knowledge “goats in space” has never happened and probably shouldn’t. The only purpose I could ever think of for this would read as a slogan saying “great for a snack and can do awesome pet tricks at 0 g”.

Enough pepperoni. 

When I was a kid the first goat we ever owned was this Billy goat that we called Billy John. Me and Billy John were not friends. Every day when I got off the bus I couldn’t get to the house because Billy john would chase me. 

The procurement of Billy John was followed with a host of other goats that honestly ended in tragedy for most. One got hit by lightning and another broke his own neck because he liked to run as hard as he could go till his rope ran out. Billy John froze to death in an ice storm because he had ran of into the woods and no one could catch him. 

My next experience with a goat was when I met the woman that would eventually be my wife. Her brother had a goat that would run up to me and put his head firmly against my leg and didn’t want to move. My wife and her brother always tell it that he would chase me around the yard trying to butt me but, that wasn’t the case. He did follow me all around the yard trying to keep his head Against my leg. There was no violent intent with it. I think he just liked me.

I stayed with them for a little while. They had an out house which was difficult to get to at night because the goat would stand on the front porch and wouldn’t let anyone pass, like some kind of Billy goat gruff.

Not long ago we had a goat. It was my family’s first goat. It was killed by a dog. I always kind of missed him. He was a good family goat if there ever was such a thing. So….we got a few more just today and I must say, it’s not going badly but, it’s not going the greatest either. The one cries a lot. She apparently has only ever been tied to tree’s. Now she is tied to a cinder block and can’t understand what could possibly be holding her. 

The little Billy goat just wants to be close to the nanny but would be fine if the cats would play with him.

More pepperoni. My uncle used to feed his goat cigarettes. He said it helped keep it from getting worms. 

A baby goat we had when I was a kid. We sold it to a friend of my dad’s. He drank beer with it. Its name was Hasbro. 

My job, as a kid, was to untangle the goats that got tangled in there ropes. I probably invented a million different gadgets and developed just as many ideas all in my head for ways and methods that would keep a goat from getting tangled up in its rope. A few of them I tried. None of them worked and I seriously doubt any of them ever would have. 

Bahahah

Johnny R Draper